Sunday, February 13, 2011

Confessions. Prayers. Desires.

I just want to write on here that once again somehow I have fallen into a patch of complacency in my walk with God. This past fall and again recently I have done things I only knew as a person I was capable of doing but never actually thought I would do. Here are some of my thoughts.

"And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come into the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes into the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God."
~John 3:19-21

Pastor Brian spoke this morning at church exactly what God has put in my heart many of times and extra hard yesterday, this I believe was God clearly speaking to me (and to others in our local body) through Brian. I cannot ignore this. I am standing at a crossroad, one way leading me closer to God and one drawing me away towards worldy pleasures that I know could never satisfy me or bring me joy. The big question, am I going to choose to serve my almighty God or am I going to choose to walk away from Him down a self distructive path that will only bring me hardship.

Because I am a new creation in Christ, I can honestly say I do not enjoy worldly activities therefore I do not understand why I even do them. But I do. Against every grain in my body.

The worst part seems to be avoiding true repentace. Rather than falling on my face crying out to God, mourning the things I have done, I just carry on as if nothing is wrong. As if I can just go on with my normal life, skipping this giant necessary step for me to truly make God the #1 pursuit in my life.

I greatly desire to draw closer and closer to my Maker and my Savior. To only have my sights set on Him. To be completely in the light and not hiding in the shadows. To be pursueing Him so hard that my thoughts and actions constantly reflect Him. To rely on the body of believers He has surrounded me with, to draw strength from Him through them. To listen and discern and act on the things His Spirit reveals to me. To constantly be looking for ways to serve and minister to the people around me out of the love God fills me with. To encourage my brothers and sisters to be doing the same.

I am so thankful I serve a loving, patient, merciful God who knows me inside and out. I need prayers right now that I do not lose sight of all of this, that God makes clear to me my limitations on what situations I can handle and which ones I cannot so I faithfully avoid them. Constant choices. Constant crossroads. My prayer is that in the near future I can write an update reporting that God is once again my life. That everything I do stems from my roots in Him and in His Word. That I have truely repented and turned away from the things drawing me away from the True Light. That I would once again be living out of a heart of ministry.

Today I am making the choice to quit being complacent, to quit just thinking about all of this all of the time but never acting on these thoughts. God constantly reveals to me what He wants me to spend my time doing but it seems I rarely actually do just that. I sadly let those thoughts pass right on by. By keeping all of this to myself, I have helped Satan keep a strong hold on my life. Not anymore.

Until my next update, know God is good. God is working all around us. Let us recognize that and give Him thanks and praise for it all! :)

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